


Follow

by lostin_space



Series: quick little doodles [123]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Character Study
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:42:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27071431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostin_space/pseuds/lostin_space
Summary: Alex never liked playing the leader.
Series: quick little doodles [123]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1441564
Comments: 1
Kudos: 22
Collections: Roswell New Mexico ▶ Michael Guerin / Alex Manes





	Follow

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted a few days ago

Alex never liked playing the leader.

As a little boy, Clay held his hand everywhere they went. He led the way, picked him up when he couldn’t reach, and brushed off his knees when he fell. He cared for him until their mother left and Clay didn’t want to hold his hand anymore and he didn’t say why. Alex only paired it with his father’s harsh words of coddling.

After that, he resorted to crawling into bed with Greg when he needed someone. If he was quiet enough, Greg wouldn’t push him out. He’d whisper words that felt like guidance even when they weren’t. Alex took them as gospel.

During the day, he chose to follow Rosa. So many of the things she said contradicted Greg and his dad, but they sounded so smart that he couldn’t disagree. She painted his nails and his face and taught him about punk ideology. It was all a breath of fresh air in comparison to the strict military talk he was told his entire life. He wanted it.

Of course, that meant he had to think a little for himself. Greg left with a lackluster goodbye and it gave Alex the push he needed to rely on himself a little more. It was hard, though. In the moments he felt like he was drowning and f Flint looked nice that day, he would crawl inside his bed and accepted his not quite annoyed sigh as wisdom that it’d be okay. When Flint left too, his sole idol was Rosa.

Only the image he had of Rosa cracked with each high, each new spiral. It was becoming clear Alex really did need to be his own leader even when he hated it most.

When he met Michael, he foolishly found himself wanting to follow all over again. He wanted to please him and keep him, but even that was taken away with a quick decision on his father’s part. And Alex was his own leader.

And in the air force, he worked to become other soldiers’ leader. It gave him structure he craved while also giving him power. It felt nice. It felt addictive.

By the time he found his way home, he’d forgotten how to let others lead him. It felt like a hindrance. Before, it always got him hurt. He didn’t want that anymore.

It took him awhile, too long, perhaps, before he could figure out how to find himself again. To find the follower in him and not see it as a weakness as he laid his heart bare on stage. For a moment, it felt nice. Even then, though, it didn’t feel quite right. He’d grown. He wasn’t simply a leader, but he also wasn’t willing to give up control over himself entirely.

But, as he held onto Michael’s hand and let himself be led into his bedroom, Alex found solace in a compromise.

**Author's Note:**

> also on my tumblr: spaceskam


End file.
